you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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