can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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