You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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