why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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