I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize