so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
