I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize