I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
