In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
