she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
