go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
