check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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