I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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