just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
