I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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