Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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