Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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