You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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