my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
