I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
