i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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