dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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