Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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