You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize