So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
