All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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