its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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