Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
