He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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