I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
