dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
