just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
