you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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