All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
