i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just pee around me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
