I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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