overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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