How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
