he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Couch. On fire.
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