Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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