the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
