with your own penis?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
