So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize