I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
