thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
