Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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