I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
