I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
