I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
