i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
