Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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