you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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