I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is my gift to your gina
I have feelings that need drinking.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
