If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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