I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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