Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think my moral compass just broke
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