ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
