sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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