im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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