I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
