A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need moral support for this bender
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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