there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
