Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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