He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
