Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
