Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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