Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
